Allow me first of all to thank you for reading these lines. I know you are very busy and I appreciate you taking the time to read what I am about to write. I decided to write this because of two reasons, firstly because I wish to thank God for his infinite kindness and the opportunity he has given us today to initiate a new process in our lives, I say us because I am referring to my girlfriend and I and though I feel ashamed that I only wrote this until now and that I have not written before to thank God for so many blessings He has given me, it would be worse if I keep quiet and keep this knowledge from others that can help them. The second reason is that my girlfriend wishes us to share this with others so that not only us enjoy this happiness.
It has been a learning and enriching process for the both of us, starting from the fact that it was not an easy journey, we both had many obstacles and hurdles along the way which we had to sort through to get to this point and yester night we decided to formalise our relationship by giving it a name. Many people have helped us through to learn and become better people so I would like to share my experience with you so that you too can enrich your relationship, if you have one, or begin a new one with the right person.
Noahism is not about isms, it is rather the way to live and though many will shun on the fact that not congregating at a place of worship of his or her personal god is evil or detrimental or that because one does not read the Jewish Torah, which is the everlasting inheritance and gift from God to the Jewish people only, makes no sense and that everyone should be allowed to study the Torah as if it were a matter of public domain, is the biggest mistake when approaching life because us Noahides have a sacred path comprised of Seven Universal Commandments given by God to the nations of the world so that we can live rich and fulfilling lives.
So the very first piece of advice that I humbly give to those who are looking into enriching their lives and their relationships is, first of all, to follow the Universal Commandments given to the nations. Do not try to take what is not yours, the Jewish Torah and the Jewish culture is Jewish for a reason, so that this priestly nation can shed light unto the rest of the nations and though many who do not know the culture well envy it, truth of the matter is that those of us who know a bit about it, once we start living our lives as they are meant to be lived, that is, enjoying what is permitted and staying away from what is forbidden, begin to see changes in our lives that allow us to live in peace and harmony with our fellow humans and with God and rather than trying to imitate the Jewish people, we learn to love them for what they have taught us and because love stems from respect, we do not steal their property.
It would be foolish for me to say that I have learned everything when in fact it is the contrary, I am still learning because I hardly know anything, but one thing that I have seen with my own eyes is that when one lives a life without religion and does things correctly, things begin to change for the better which is a logical process, if you think about it, because you do not label yourself with a religious denomination aimed at hindering and incarcerating you, rather you live freely and though you may not agree with someone else’s idolatry, instead of shunning on them you shun on their idolatry but not on the people who practise it.
So this takes me to the second advice, since one is leading a rich and fulfilling life, one is in no need to let his EGO arise and one finds himself in a place of tranquility which allows one to see people for who they are; this is very important because one sees the world with open eyes and hears with open ears, and touches with open touch and tastes with open taste and breathes with open breathing because the heavy rock that once laid on his chest is gone.
So this brings as a consequence the flow of authentic communication since one has learned to tame his EGO which allows him to talk to other people without masks. Why is this important? It is important since one can express his true feelings. If there is something that brings down a relationship quickly is the use of masks because people fall in love with personas as opposed to the real human being whom is behind the mask. As I was in the process of courting my girlfriend, which by the way, I still am because courtship is a continuous activity if one wishes for love to be alive, I tried to be as honest and as free of masks as I could, so this brings about the third piece of advice which is to be yourself; if the person likes you be fair enough to let them fall in love with whom you are and not with whom you pretend to be, since you may find yourself been able to conquer whom you desire but not to be able to get together with whom you wish to be. Notice the subtle but very important difference, on the one hand your mask and your masque is all about putting on a façade that eventually will fall while on the other hand by you acting honestly and authentically you are able to get together with the person you wish to be with as opposed to “conquering” that person.
As a counsellor which I have learned to be during the years since I became coordinator of FULVIDA in Costa Rica, many people have shared many stories with me; you will be surprised at how open and honest communication can allow you to be with the person whom you desire; I have found that most people are insecure because their egos make them feel insecure though they have no reason to be, most people desire company and practically everyone wishes to be loved. So do not be a sadist-timid, as one of my best friends has dubbed people who are not timid but sadists, and be yourself, not whom you wish to be or whom others wish you to be. I will have to say that though I am not a psychologist, my career has taught me many things and one of them is that pampering somebody all the time is only going to lead to an inflated ego, so treat people with respect, paying genuine compliments but do not over-indulge into pampering them lest you wish to end up with the short end of the stick. So this covers the fourth piece of advice.
Learn to choose the right person for you. One thing I have learned is that though there might be a soul mate, which I am not sure of, truth of the matter is that most couples can be soul mates if they so desire by learning to accept each other with all virtues and flaws and to look past those. I will give you an example. I have been involved into politics all my life so it is natural to me that I will talk about it, that I will openly advocate for Israel and that I will express my opinions which usually come with the fact that you end up getting involved in the political world. My girlfriend told me she does not like politics and that she does not wish to be part of it though she respects my opinions and that she will not interfere in my political career. She was afraid that I would like her less for that and she asked me if that would be the case. I told her that far from making me like her less it makes me like her more because that shows she is an individual with her own opinion and not a shadow of myself.
I do not recall who said a phrase which caught my attention but it was somewhere along the line that when two people think identically it is because one of them is doing the thinking for both so this brings about my fifth piece of advice; choose the right person not because that person is a shadow of yourself but because that person is an individual who has his or her own opinion and who is not afraid to share it with you.
People tend to leave in the past or in the future but never in the present where things are happening and as a result of that they end up with painful pasts and uncertain futures. Do not worry if that person is “the one” rather worry about turning that person into “the one” by loving without expecting anything in return, only then have you gotten rid of the EGO and are you able to fully appreciate yourself and that person. So you see, God has designed the world so that we love without expecting anything in return and when we truly do so the effect multiplies to the point where love reigns and hatred and polarisation are suppressed. Take it one day at a time and make your significant other fall in love with you a bit more every day. Maybe it is not about buying brand-new convertibles, maybe it is about opening a door, fixing breakfast every once in a while, giving a token of appreciation, but most important of all, not putting that person in a pedestal, because you cease to be a free human being and you behave like a slave and attractiveness is lost. Does that mean you have to mistreat your partner? Not at all, it means that because you love that person you treat that person as a human being and you correct them when they are wrong and you praise them when they do good things. No one is completely perfect but by the same token no one is completely imperfect, so there will always be room for constructive criticism as there will also be room for moderate praise.
Focus on that person but also have a life. Always look into improving yourself and do not let a day go by where youimprove yourself and you do nothelp your partner improve as well. Relationships are about construction and not about destruction. If you are in a relationship where you are the only one giving then something is wrong. So you kill desperation by suppressing your egotistical surges and you act normally by conducting yourself through life as an average person doing not-so-average things. Enjoy life and focus on making every day a bit better. Remember, you need to be attractive and to be attractive you can’t embrace death, embrace life and you will see the difference.
Be ready to walk away from someone who does not appreciate you or the things you do for them. You are worth it and you are God’s miracle, you have a mission to fulfil and you should learn to value yourself for who you are, do not be chauvinistic but do not be a masochist who loves torturing himself with things that happened or that you think will happen. Remember, there are billions of people in the world and you know you hold the key to elevating your partner and those around you so do not drown in a glass of water.
Write down a list of things you have done correctly and things you have done wrongly and remember them so that you do not trip on the same rock twice but do not become obsessed with those facts. Learn to harness the power of experience to build a possible profile of your partner but do not live in the past thinking that your partner will do this or that just because somebody else had done it to you, though learn to see behavioural patterns, that way you will be able to have an inkling of what they could do.
Lastly, be thankful to God for the blessing you have received and share your knowledge with others. Remember that thankfulness is not only a matter of words but of deeds as well so be grateful and allow others to learn from your experiences so that they too can enjoy a rich and fulfilling life while they too, will pass on the knowledge to others.